I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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