Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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