Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
