I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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