this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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