What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
