Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
