i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
