All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Randomize
