I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
