I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
