so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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