Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I came so hard my ears popped.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
