i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
