Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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