Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
