What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
