Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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