This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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