Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
