He uses pillows to masturbate.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
