I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
