Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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