TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize