I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize