That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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