i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
