seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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