can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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