She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
OPIZZABONMYDICK
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
