my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
