T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
