we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize