Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
