May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
