dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
