If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Found the puke drawer
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
