Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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