He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
