I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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