Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
