The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
