"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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