tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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