i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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