Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
