A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
