Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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