I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
