12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
