Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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