i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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