It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
