I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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