the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
