What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
pray to the hookup gods
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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