She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
