How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
