just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
