Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
