im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
