New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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