i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
