It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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