dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
