wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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