I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
