I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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