He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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