I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
